Depression Survivor

Written by Mary Welch Wednesday, December 29 2010

Snapshot: Carol Kivler
Carol Kivler is a consumer advocate, speaker, author, and the founder of Courageous Recovery. She speaks to consumers, their loved ones, and health care professionals to raise awareness, instill hope, and combat the stigma surrounding mental health diagnoses and treatments. Kivler recovered from four bouts of medication-resistant depression.

She is founder and president of Kivler Communications, which provides executive coaching and customized work force development training. She was the first consumer on the board of directors of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, Mercer, N.J. Kivler lives in Lawrence Township, N.J.

Womenetics: Tell us about your background.
Carol Kivler: I have a bachelor’s in business education from The College of New Jersey and a master’s in human resource education from Fordham University. (I received my master’s degree between my second and third episodes.) In 2008 I received my certified speaking professional designation from the National Speakers Association. I was awarded the New Jersey Seeds of Hope Award from the New Jersey Monthly Magazine in 2008 and the Victorious Woman Award in 2009.

I’ve taught on the high school and college level and even taught in an all-male prison. I am the mother of three amazing children and grammy to five beautiful grandchildren.

Womenetics: Tell us about your company.
Kivler: I was a part-time college professor when clinical depression brought me to my knees in 1990. After my second episode, I founded Kivler Communications. A number of years following my fourth episode (2005) I added a division to Kivler Communications called Courageous Recovery. It is through this division that I deliver keynote presentations in nursing and medical schools, treatment centers, and conferences.

Womenetics: When did you first suspect you were clinically depressed?
Kivler: At the end of the spring semester 1990, the grips of clinical depression consumed my existence. I was able to complete the semester with the exception of grading exams and assigning final grades. Fortunately, my brother-in-law, who is a high school math teacher, graded exams and computed final grades for me. The college never knew I was sick or hospitalized. By the beginning of the fall semester, I was able to return to the classroom.

Looking back over my life, I had postpartum depression with the birth of my third child. However, back in the 1970s very little was known about the illness.

Womenetics: What did your employer and co-workers say about it?
Kivler: During my first episode neither the college administration nor my co-workers knew of my illness. However, during my third episode both knew. They were extremely supportive and welcomed me back to work.

Womenetics: What are the signs of clinical depression?
Kivler:

• Sad almost all the time.
  
• Difficulty finding the energy to do even the simplest things.
  
• Lose interest in most of the things you used to enjoy.
  
• Want to sleep all the time and have difficulty getting out of bed to face the day.
  
• Restless and find it difficult to sleep.
  
• Lose desire to eat, no appetite.
  
• Lose interest in sexual intimacy.
  
• Unable to focus or concentrate like before.
  
• Forget things and find it difficult to make even simple decisions.
  
• Irritable and frustrated with everyone and everything.
  
• No desire to socialize and avoids social functions.
  
• Don’t feel up to talking to people.
  
• Feel achy and have physical pains that won’t go away.
  
• Have constant anxiety and fear but can’t pinpoint why.
  
• Nothing makes you happy, and you feel like there isn’t much to live for.
  
• Worry about things that rarely bothered you before.
  
• Feel bad about yourself and don’t like what you see in the mirror.
  
• Find yourself thinking about death a lot and wishing you could end your sadness.
  
• Obsess about how you can end it all.

Womenetics: How do you manage a company when you can’t manage yourself and your emotions?
Kivler: In the times where my depression is all consuming, I am unable to work. I have come to rely on the support of other women speakers/trainers to service my clients and keep up with requested proposals. I am extremely grateful to those who have helped me keep my business going during my episodes. Because I was more open with my fourth episode, my clients were called to notify them of my illness, most pushed their dates back until I was able to work again.

Womenetics: Why did you opt for electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), previously known as electroshock?
Kivler: After having been on medication and talk therapy for five weeks (and hospitalized for 24 days) with no response, I was urged to consider ECT. At first I resisted, then one empathetic nurse convinced me to a least give ECT a chance. Fortunately for me after only three treatments, I began the climb out of the pit of depression.

Womenetics: How did it work?
Kivler: ECT reboots my brain very much like you reboot your computer. The neurons in my brain either misfire or stop firing. ECT produces a seizure in the brain.

Womenetics: Did you talk about your depression at work?
Kivler: After the first three episodes I did not disclose my diagnosis at work. However, after the fourth episode I finally accepted clinical depression as a lifelong illness.

I also recognized that depression is no different than a physical illness and decided to speak openly about depression. By disclosing, I have opened a dialogue around depression. My clients are in awe of finding out that I have experienced four acute episodes requiring both hospitalizations and ECT treatments. I have had more than 50 ECT treatments.

Womenetics: What can be done to get depression out in the open?
Kivler: Opening a dialogue around depression is essential to “normalize” the illness. I recall vividly when we could not speak about AIDS or breast cancer openly. Yet today both diseases are discussed openly while raising funds for research.

Education is key. Depression needs to be discussed in health class as openly as other illnesses. Two-thirds of those with treatable clinical depression go untreated because the stigma around depression can be as debilitating as the illness itself.

Womenetics: Are you better?
Kivler: In any challenge in life we can choose to get better or bitter. I chose to get better. It’s been 11 years since my last episode. Yet, medical stats state I have a 95-percent chance for additional episodes.

Depression has become a blessing in my life in that it taught me to live in the present. I was always worrying about tomorrow. I now live and enjoy one day at a time. It has become my life purpose to raise awareness, instill hope, and combat stigma around clinical depression.

Mary Welch is a freelance writer for the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Dawson Times, Plan Your Meeting magazine, and Atlanta Business magazine. Previously, she held many positions with Leader Publishing, including editor-in-chief of Atlanta Woman, editor of Business to Business magazine, and editor of Catalyst magazine. As editor of Business to Business, she assigned, edited, and conceptualized a series that was awarded Silver in the 2005 GAMMA Awards for Best Series. Welch was a reporter for the Atlanta Business Chronicle for eight years and freelanced for publications including Glamour, Advertising Age, South, Georgia Trend, and Oz. From 2000 to 2003, she served as vice president of media relations for Bank of America, during which time she authored Forever Green: A History and Hope of the American Forest with Rolling Stones keyboardist Chuck Leavell.